I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
