im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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