Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
soo... how was my night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
