well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
