I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
