Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
