NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
