how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
