On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
