i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
