If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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