dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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