Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
