I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
