New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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