I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
