Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
