STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
this hospital has no fireball
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
