2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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