Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
