I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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