don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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