just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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