no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
