Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
