I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
