Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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