Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
