Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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