i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
