if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
