you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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