I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
