puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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