It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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