Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
