I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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