she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
