You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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