My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
