Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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