I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
