this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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