it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
