We're like a lot better than the average bears
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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