I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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