he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
