Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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