Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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