On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
