I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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